Can You Not: In A New York Effing Minute


It’s Monday. I hate Mondays. Most of you are not fans of Mondays either I would imagine. Who really is? The week is just starting and you are far away from another blissful weekend of doing whatever (or whoever) you want. This brings me to my latest list of things.

Being grumpy on a Monday reminds me of other instances and people that annoy the shit out of me, pet peeves if you will. These are some things that make me want to punch you in the throat but I’m a lady. Besides, I’m not sure if getting arrested is really worth the instant satisfaction of seeing a moron go down. Even though it is pretty tempting I do actually know how to exercise restraint.

So, without further ado here they are in no particular order:

  • Slow walkers. This is NYC and we don’t stroll. MOVE IT before I run you off the sidewalk.
  • Coming to a screeching halt in the middle of said sidewalk. Arrghhh! You are about to become flattened when New Yorkers mow you down. Can you not move to the side? I get it the buildings are tall but really.


    These morons.

  • People stopping at the bottom or top of the escalator. I don’t think you could possibly pick a worse place to stop. I’d rather avoid a pile up of bodies getting caught in an escalator. I don’t’ know about you but I’d like all my fingers, toes, various appendages, and clothes to stay on my body and out of the escalator gears.
  • People who walk up/down the middle of stairs or stand in the middle of the escalator. These assholes are usually carrying 700 large bags of some sort making it impossible to get around them. You are blocking my way. Clearly you are not in a rush like the rest of the city’s population. Step aside before you get hurt.

    I hope those bags provide cushioning when I push you out of the way..

    I hope those bags provide cushioning when I push you out of the way..

  • Not letting people out of the subway or elevator before shoving their way in. Perhaps you are unfamiliar with how space works. We need to get out before there is any. I will yell at you as I throw elbows to get out therefore making the necessary room for you to get in.
  • On the flip side…when someone tries to start shoving towards the doors way before their subway stop. Where the hell are you going? I still need to hold on otherwise I’m going to fall on you and give some serious side eye.
  • People standing all up in your shit on an empty subway car. I know I’m cute but this is this ridiculous. Get outta my face.
  • Having to loudly say excuse me twenty times before someone moves out of your way. Yes, asshat I am talking to you.  I’m attempting to be polite, enjoy it while it lasts.

    Can this be real? (photo: Village Voice)

    Can this be real? (photo: Village Voice)

  • People using the elevator to go up only one floor. (Unless you physically need to use the elevator, then you get an obvious pass.) OMG. INSTANT RAGE. ONE FLOOR?? GTFO. It takes longer to wait for the elevator then to take an escalator. Or god forbid you have to walk one flight.
  • Ladies (or whoever) using the bathroom stall next to you when the entire bathroom is empty. Must you? There are so many stalls; we don’t have to be so close.
  • People making sound effects (ohhh, ahhh, ughhh) while using a public restroom. SERIOUSLY. Disgusting. I don’t need to know you’ve been holding it in for the entirety of this morning.
  • Singing out loud while wearing headphones. We can hear you and we don’t want to. You are clearly not Beyoncé. If you are then I’m Celine Dion. I will make sure your heart does not go on.
  • Dancing on the subway.  IT. IS. NOT. FUCKING. SHOWTIME.

    This sums up my feelings quite nicely

    This sums up my feelings quite nicely

Well, I feel better after getting that out of my system. Obviously I have some personal space issues but hey I’m a New Yorker. We’re all a bit neurotic.  I am sure most of you can relate and I’m also sure I’ve forgotten a few pet peeves. What sends you into an instant rage? Please feel free to leave your sarcastic comments below about what makes you see red. Deep breaths everyone, we can get through this together. Just don’t try to hug me or you might wind up as an additional bullet point on this list.


Snowmageddon 2015: Free Snow Day From The Storm That Wasn’t


Snowmageddon 2015 turned out to be a bust. I’m perfectly ok with that; most of us (myself included) were lucky enough to have a snow day anyway. Last night while Sarah and I waited out the storm we kept looking outside on our patio to see how much snow had accumulated. We hung around, ate snacks, drank beer, and composed a list of serious snowstorm signs. Checking all forms of social media we realized a few common threads running through the evening. This is what we came up with:

We have beer. Ready to hunker down.

We have beer. Ready to hunker down.

  • The majority of offices, even mine, closed early. Although my office followed its usual asshole move of letting us know about 20 minutes before we closed.
  • Responsible adult things actually happen such as paying bills over the phone. Business was taken care of.
  • Suddenly becoming obsessive about checking and every single weather app known to man.
  • Seamless suspends service. The humanity!
  • Physically going to the grocery store to get the necessities such as milk.
  • Speaking of which, milk becomes as important as gold.   Even though you barely use it for things other then coffee or cereal on a regular basis.
  • The 24-hour Duane Reade closed at 7pm.
  • Alcohol becomes a top priority so you book it to Duane Reade before it closes and they run out of beer.
  • The guy in line in front of you at said Duane Reade holds up the line because he forgot condoms. You gotta keep warm somehow.
  • Citywide subway service is suspended at 11pm.
  • Taking a ruler out to measure how much snow has fallen so far.
  • Everything becomes all about inches and how it stacks up.
  • Updating your tinder profile pictures.
  • Realizing Craigslist has booty call ads specifically for snowstorm cuddles and whatnot. Both sad and hilarious.
  • Casually stalking annoying friends on Facebook that you usually wouldn’t for entertainment value. Then you remember why you blocked them from your newsfeed.
  • Random people wind up commenting/liking your Facebook posts and status updates because you are all stuck inside.
  • Did I mention updating your Tinder profile?
    Our own personal snowy playground, however, someone is not impressed..

    Our own personal snowy playground, however, someone is not impressed..

    Luckily Juno couldn’t hold on and we were spared the worst. It’s still looking gray and dismal outside but I’m happy to be inside. I’m going to make some more coffee and enjoy my day off. Stay warm people and remember you can always count on Craigslist for some body heat.

    Bundle up, it's cold outside! Hat: custom creation by Mom

    Bundle up, it’s cold outside! Hat: custom creation by Mom

    Did I miss any of your cabin fever behaviors? What do you usually do when waiting out a snowpocalypse?

Kill Refurb Marry: Disney Villains


kill refurb marry logoI’ve been pretty lax with my Kill Refurb Marry posts but this month’s topic got me devilishly excited to participate. This time around it’s Disney Villains! There are so many great evildoers in the Disney Universe; it’s kinda hard to narrow it down. Some have even been known to induce nightmares in children and a few adults. So join me you poor unfortunate souls and let’s get this party started.


Kill: Monstro the Whale and Stromboli the Super Creepy Puppeteer



Talk about your non-magical, blubbery, oversized fish. I’m not gonna lie to you, Monstro freaked me out as a kid. Once I got a little older I realized I was wasting my fear on an endless oil lamp supply. Compared to other villains he’s a little tame, he has no other badness then being a ginormous whale with an appetite to match. Sure I’d rather not get eaten and be forced to live in the belly of a whale but all it takes is a little smoke and you’re projectile fish vomited to freedom. Someone grab me a harpoon!

Taking Lumbersexual to the next level..

Taking Lumbersexual to the next level..

Since Stromboli is in the same movie he’s being lumped in with old fish guts here. As his title suggests, he is super creepy.   What grown man gets enjoyment out of a live puppet boy and keeps him in a birdcage? Frankly it’s weird and it makes me uncomfortable. Also, can we talk about his eyebrows and that crazy beard? Someone needs to explain manscaping to him ASAP! Get me some string; this man needs to be taught a lesson. It’s time for your final bow Stromboli.

Refurb: Ursula the Sea Witch

The Drama!

Darling, The Drama!

That voice, her squirmy little eels, her evil plan! How can you not like a character whose appearance is based on a Drag Queen? I don’t really want to change anything about Ursula; she has some great lines and a memorable song. What I would have liked to see is more of her backstory. We know she’s been kicked out of the palace and Atlantica but what the hell happened? I also don’t love the manner in which she meets her ultimate demise. Getting popped like an oversized balloon with a broken down ship? Lame. Ursula could have at least gone down with a little more pizzazz befitting a heavily but fabulously makeup wearing Sea Witch with tentacles.

Marry: Queen Grimhilde aka The Evil Queen

I think her eyebrows say it all..

I think her eyebrows say it all..

I know I usually bash Snow White and the Seven Dwarves but this Queen reigns supreme! Her evil highness is a pretty classic villain who has ice running through her veins. She uses a freaking Magic Mirror to give her beauty advice. “Magic Mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all”? I mean if that was my mirror it better damn well say me. Let’s not forget gurl wants to have Snow White’s heart cut out and handed to her in a nice little box. That is cold! When that doesn’t work the Evil Queen takes matters into her very own hands. You know it’s for serious when this extremely vain woman is willing to turn herself into an old hag just to give Snow White the ole heave ho or heigh-ho as it were. Let’s get real here, how dumb do you have to be to take a shifty looking apple from a creepy old hag? The Evil Queen really set the precedent for all vengeful queens to come. Grimhilde I’ll give you the validation you’ve been seeking but please don’t bake me any apple pies.

This was tricky, I had a few more in mind but these were the choices I ultimately made. Do you agree? Disagree? You better be careful, I might call on my evil friends and have you taken out.

As always thanks to This Happy Place and Mouse on the Mind for another great topic and don’t forget to check out everyone else’s picks.

Hello 2015: It’s Gonna Be a Plaid, Plaid Year


I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t perpetually late and this is no different. Happy New Year friends! We’ve made it another year and lived to tell the tale. I hope you had a wonderful time ringing in the New Year, I know I did!Happy-New-Year-2015

This time the usual suspects headed out to Long Beach where Raluca was nice enough to host the shindig. I’ve come to really appreciate small intimate gatherings; it’s so much more personal. Major holidays tend to become overhyped and fall short of expectations. Plus it’s just nice to be able to celebrate with most of your close friends, relax, and not care how silly you are.

Even though this was a more casual affair I still wanted to look cute. I opted for the BB Dakota Suzett Dress featuring a classic buffalo plaid in red and black. Since I had recently bought it super on holiday sale this needed to be worn. Because it was New Years and me being me, I just couldn’t wear it buttoned up properly. I decided the slip that came with the dress made a perfect little black dress and added a studded black belt from my days at J.Crew. The belt has a really great buckle but it wasn’t enough of a statement. I was going to make it work one way or another and wound up wearing it backwards to show off the gold studs. Then I pulled on the crepe buffalo plaid shirtdress and left it open.

90's Grunge with a Modern Twist| Dress: BB Dakota

90’s Grunge with a Modern Twist| Dress: BB Dakota

This was all very last minute, as I hadn’t planned out exactly what accessories I was going to take with me. I did manage to run out and spend less then $11 dollars on some things at Urban Outfitters. Again, yay for holiday sales! As usual I wore my hair straight down but switched it up with a super cute headband adorned with little clusters of gold stars. To add to this I also was able to find a clip with gold stars similar to Rodarte’s beautiful Celestial version to tuck a piece of my hair back.   I took two necklaces with me as well but I wasn’t happy with either. Figuring the hair accessories and some rings (including my Mom’s original wedding band) was enough of a statement for the evening I went without one.

I'm seeing stars!

I’m seeing stars!

Ordinarily I wouldn’t bother with hosiery when hanging out at a friend’s place but damn it it was New Year’s. Besides it’s recently been fucking cold as shit so I was on the lookout for stockings with a faux knee high print. Luckily for me Urban Outfitters had a perfect pair on sale! I threw on some black boots with straps decked out in studs to coordinate with my belt and that was that.

Left: More Super-Modeling| Top Right: Raluca the Lovely Hostess with Bianca| Middle: Tracey, Meera, Myself, and Neil attempting to get our faces all in one place| Bottom Right: Brenda deep in conversation

Left: More Super-Modeling|Top Right: Raluca the Lovely Hostess rocking shades with a lit up Bianca|Middle: Tracey, Meera, Myself, and Neil attempting to get our faces all in one place|Bottom Right: Brenda deep in conversation

Some slightly smoky makeup and I was ready to party. People socialized and we had a champagne toast at midnight while watching the ball drop on TV. There were also a few rounds of beer pong but we classed it up with the extra champagne. We all had a great time ushering in 2015 and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for this year!

PSA: Don’t Pick Me Up Before You Go-Go


Apologies for the radio silence around here lately. I wish I could say I’ve been super busy for the past few months but that’s only partly true. Work (end of year panic times) and the holidays have kept me somewhat occupied. It’s also my laziness that has gotten the best of me. I swear I will fill you guys in on some of the things going on in Erica with a C Land like Halloween (long overdue) and also my DISNEY TRIP (spoiler: it was effing awesome)!!

Top: Snow in Bryant Park|Bottom Left: The Rockefeller Tree|Bottom Middle: Celebrating Hanukkah with my Menorah|Bottom Right: Holiday Market at Bryant Park

Top: Snow in Bryant Park| Bottom Left: The Rockefeller Center Tree| Bottom Middle: Celebrating Hanukkah with my Menorah| Bottom Right: Holiday Market at Bryant Park

There is something I would like to bitch about ASAP though. It’s a topic I’ve mentioned in the past.  It’s near and dear to my wicked little heart.

Last Friday I went out with Sarah, Karen, and Karen’s BF. We went to a bar way uptown, which was playing some pretty awesome music and talked to some boys. Karen’s BF happened to meet up with some friends and we all socialized. Drinks were bought, dancing ensued, and fun times were had. I was also chatting up some guy from New Orleans who was visiting a friend of his for the holidays. That’s cool; NYC is awesome any time of year and the holiday season is a great time to be here. He kept complimenting me on my overalls (I will have to repeat this outfit, I meant to take a pic except whoopsies) but didn’t make enough of an impression to get a nickname.

Sometime later in the evening we decided to switch bars and the guy from New Orleans didn’t think that was a great plan. Him and his friend called it a night and that was that. Turns out the bar was closing anyway so the crew decided to head back to someone’s apt for a night cap. We all piled into taxis and made our way over to hang out. There were some crazy discussions and I was my usual sarcastic self. Apparently one of the friends thought this meant he should ask for my number.

Listen, we said about five words directly to each other and participated in a group chat. I declined respectfully, I wasn’t going to go through the whole ignore you when you text me business. You’re a friend of a friend I’m going to be straight with you, deal with it. He took the rejection fairly well at the time or at least I thought. At that point it was getting late so we figured we’d all head home and call it a night. The guys walked us out and as we said good bye the very topic I’ve talked about before presented itself again.

Hello Sunrise, what are you doing up so late?

Hello Sunrise, what are you doing up so late?

This fool who was leaving without my number decided it was totally cool to not only give me a big hug good bye but to physically pick me up off the ground as well. WHY IS THIS A THING?? Seriously, when was this determined to be okay? Did some stupid girl spread rumors that it’s completely acceptable to pick us up?  Nice Erica left the building and Violent Bitchy Erica took her place. I told this moron to “PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN” with a few punches to emphasize my point. I kept yelling at him “THIS IS NOT OK” and “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE”! His brilliant defense was just this “Oh, well you’re so petite.” Um no. This may be true, I’m only 5’2 and a ½” but the ½” counts!! Squirrels are small and cute but you’re not going to go around picking them up. You might get rabies and I will punch you.

Clearly this jackass doesn’t read my blog. Not only did I deny you my digits but there was no hinting that I wanted to be picked up like a child. Ughhh, THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY!! Unless I specify that this is something I want, don’t you dare pick me up.   I will yell at you and as I’ve demonstrated will also try to beat you up. Not the most mature way to handle the situation but you leave me no choice. My feet are not on the ground so I can’t push you away, punching it is. It’s been pretty effective in the put-me-down-now department. I’ve said it before but despite appearances (or sometimes actions) I am an adult woman.   There is no reason on Earth to assume lifting me off the ground is a thing I’m going to enjoy or think is fun. DON’T FUCK WITH ME ASSHAT.squirrel

Lesson to be learned: I may be adorable and petite but I will go full rabies squirrel on your ass. PUT ME DOWN.

That’s Not My Name: I’ll Call You Whatever I Want And You’ll Like It


Have you ever gone over your list? You know, THAT LIST. I did just that recently and realized that most of the guys on it I had to recall by nickname. There were a few that I remembered based on the bar, special occasion, or even what national holiday it was. Oops. You know you’ve sat around with your girls and someone says, “Hey, you remember that guy we met at that bar?”

Many nicknames stem from either a physical attribute or something stupid a guy has said. I can’t be bothered to remember your actual first name if you don’t deserve it. It also goes without saying that some guys have terrible names. I mean Eugene? What was your mama thinking? This happened on two separate occasions, one after the other. Seriously.

Nobody wants to be referred to as The Married Guy or Micro-peen. So why do we do that to someone?  In all honesty it’s easier to tell your friends about the guy you didn’t know was married (and met on OKCupid) until you did a little Facebook research when you can give him a snappy nickname. Certainly Micro-peen was disappointing and not going to be remembered by his name. It’s probably Mike or Joe or Matt. Boring.

Let’s not forget boyfriend/not boyfriend guy. I wasn’t even thinking that was a title to be used at the time but someone asked if I was his gf. I was within earshot and he said yes so I figured THAT’S WEIRD. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but I couldn’t’ help myself; I brought it up later jokingly. What I got was an awkward explanation about not knowing how to answer and then never heard from him again after that. Mature. Nicknames can happen because you just don’t want their name in your mouth again.

Oh, there’s also Dancing With The Stars guy who couldn’t hold his liquor that I talked about here. That was super cute. Who could forget The Jackrabbit and/or Jackhammer? I wish I could. He asked for my number in the morning and I straight up laughed in his face and told him no. Then I kicked him out with some excuse about having a training session at the gym. LIES.

It's so manly it has a mustache

It’s so manly it has a mustache

You don’t want a nickname. This signifies you’re not worth remembering otherwise. Sometimes it’s just more fun to call someone Curtis Stone because he vaguely resembles the chef (the hair) and is British. One might also keep calling his buddies Red Coats since you met them on Independence Day. Sometimes you call him Curtis Stone to his face too many times in the evening and it just sticks. What doesn’t is his real name. MY BAD. There are of course other guys that earn their nicknames based on what part of the world they’re from. There’s The Russian, The Irishman, The Israeli, The Frenchman (Viva la France), and The half Venezuelan/half Italian to name a few.

To be fair you guys have some pretty terrible nicknames for us too. I know; I just know you’ve referred to me by my ass or the fact that I’m short. “Blue Eyes” is unoriginal and frankly it’s boring. DON’T CALL ME THAT. I’ve also been put on the spot and asked if I in fact remember their name. I’m honest and say I don’t but am quick to ask if they remember mine. You can guess the answer. It’s a two way street is all I’m say’n. There are times when it’s all in good fun because you like them and they’re cute. Nothing comes to mind but I’m sure some of you do that, maybe.

We all have our reasons and there are plenty of them. It’s funny, you’re an asshole, it makes for a better story, or I can’t remember your name. Basically, everybody gets a nickname but if you’re lucky I might start calling you by your real actual first name.  The one that’s on your birth certificate.


Kill Refurb Marry: Epcot Food and Wine Booths


kill refurb marry logoYou guys, I might officially be an alcoholic. This month’s Kill Refurb Marry topic is the Epcot Food and Wine Festival booths and all I’m looking at are the drink options. The thing here is that I’m what you might consider a picky eater.  If you know me then you’re rolling your eyes going “well, duh.” While there are food options that I’m definitely considering tasting when I’m there NEXT MONTH; I’m kinda way too excited to drink my way around the world. My trips to Disney are usually with my family and nobody wants to see that. So I figure since this is the Food and WINE Festival I’m going to focus solely on the adult beverages. My name is Erica and I’m an alcoholic…

Kill: Morocco’s Mimosa Royale

Not an orange in sight! (photo:

Not an orange in sight! (photo:

This is a very personal choice as I have learned the hard way that Erica, alcohol, and Orange Juice do not mix. The Mimosa Royale features Orange Juice with the added bonus of orange liqueur, which means I would be the Conductor on the Hot Mess Express. Something about the acidity of Orange Juice plus alcohol equals a very unhappy me. Honestly, I don’t even really like how it tastes. I will avoid scurvy and get my vitamin C elsewhere. Mimosa Royale climb aboard for a long trip off a short track.

Runner Up: Mmmhops Pale Ale because really?? Hanson?? Ugh.

Refurb: Hops and Barley’s Mostly Samuel Adams Extravaganza

Is this the best you can do Disney? IS IT?? (photo:

Is this the best you can do Disney? IS IT?? (photo:

I’m fully aware many people equate Sam Adams as very American so I get why beer with his likeness would be featured. The idea is nice but I think they could include more breweries from around the entire country. I get that there’s a Craft Beer booth, couldn’t they combine them? There has to be other well-known American beers besides just old Sam to put on the menu. This is a glorious three-hour salute to all beers but mostly Samuel Adams. You have a minute and a half…

Runner Up: Block & Hans Still River Winery Apple Ice Wine because I don’t like apple juice either. What about any other fruit?  I’m super fun on a date.


Me, this view, and a cold Happy Lychee. Perfection. (photo:

Marry: China’s Happy Lychee

Happy Lychee? More like I love you Lychee! I mean, vodka AND tequila? I’m a sucker for anything that has lychee, alcohol, and more alcohol. I’m in heaven. I really hope this drink has actual lychees in it. Seriously.  Happy Lychee, pick out whatever you want in the House of Good Fortune because you earned it baby doll.

Runner Up: Anything from France.  Who doesn’t like sparkling wine or Martini Slush?

Well now that I’ve fully convinced you I should join the next AA meeting with all my choices, what would you pick? So thanks to This Happy Place and Mouse on the Mind for that. You ladies can be my sponsors. As usual don’t forget to check out what every one else picked!

A Numbers Game: Marc Turns Three Months Old


Let me preface this by saying I love my friends’ kids. You know I do. However, if I see one more “I’m (insert number here) months old today” photo collage I’m going to scream. Yes, it’s certainly wonderful your baby is growing, learning, and pooping. EVERY. DAMN. MONTH. I don’t care that much. Give me the big updates like 3 months, 6 months, 12 months (that’s a year people), and finally 2 years. Fantastic. But updates each month? Enough is enough. You are clogging up my Facebook newsfeed.

This month it’s my turn to celebrate a superficial passing of time. September 13th is the 3-month birthday of my very own adorable Marc. “Who the hell is Marc?’ you’re thinking in your brain. Well, you have your babies and I have mine. Marc is my beautiful Marc Jacobs bag. This gorgeousness was a very sweet birthday gift from The Scotsman. I explicitly told him not to get me anything but he totally surprised me. (I know; I just puked a little in my mouth too.)

Top: My precious baby turns 3 months! | Bottom Left: Taking Marc to the Park | Right: Little Marc won't sit still, so mischievous!

Top: My precious baby turns 3 months! | Bottom Left: Marc’s first visit Central Park | Right: Lil’ Marc won’t sit still, so mischievous!

Marc keeps getting better and smarter as he gets older. His coloring becomes more complex and he has even been softening as the months fly by. We go everywhere together; he’s such a good travel buddy. Marc likes going to Central Park, The Met, and he even likes to shop. He also never complains or needs a nap.  I couldn’t ask for better, I am one lucky gal.

You love your kids. I love Marc.

Happy 3 months baby boy!

Kill Refurb Marry: Disney Transportation


kill refurb marry logo“¡Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas!”

Transportation is the sort of thing that can make or break your trip. Think about it: your bus is late, the monorail isn’t running, or the Skyway is GONE. Leave it to the ladies of This Happy Place and Mouse on the Mind to come up with another great topic for this month’s Kill Refurb Marry. I didn’t realize how many options Disney had to get you from point A to point B until I started writing this post. What about ride vehicles? They do transport you in a manner of speaking. What about SCIENCE, SCIENCE, SCIENCE. Sorry, my mind sort of wandered there. Well let’s get back to focusing on the topic at hand…

Kill: Magical Express Buses

You can't make me leave! I don't wanna!!  (photo:

You can’t make me leave! I don’t wanna!! (photo:

I have actually not had the pleasure of riding The Magical Express Bus just yet. My sneaking suspicion is that most of you have a love-hate relationship with this mode of transport. I know I will be excited to take this TO The World what with the music playing, videos, and finally, finally getting to a Park again. I also know I will wish death upon the same vehicle for releasing me back into the Real World. Nobody wants to go home and taking the exact same bus seems like the most tortuous way to really stick it to you. Life’s full of tough choices, isn’t it?

Runner Up: Space Mountain ride vehicles

I like these about as much as they like my messed up spine. Hasn’t Disney ever heard of cushions?

Refurb: These Rental Strollers From the 80’s

You have no idea how much damn time I wasted google searching for a picture of these strollers.  Thanks for nothing internet.  Yikes. (photo: no

You have no idea how much damn time I wasted google searching for a picture of these strollers. Thanks for nothing internet. Yikes. (photo: no

I say bring these beauties back! Stroller parking just doesn’t look the same any more with out these bad boys lined up causing mass confusion. Did you check the badly written nametag? Did it fall off while you were majestically jamming that stroller into a spot? Who could really tell? What I do know is that I miss these horribly uncomfortable strollers. Nothing says luxury like hard seat backs that basically had two positions: straight up or flat on your ass. Like many of my choices this one harkens back to the days of my youth and Disney nostalgia.  Also, running around the parks all day is exhausting. I would so not mind being led via blue stroller around Disney World by a handsome Prince or maybe just Justin Timberlake (damn you Biel!).

Runner Up: The Monorail

Some of these look like they could use a little sprucing up but still I heart you Monorail.

Marry: The Friendship Boat Fleet


Ahoy Matey! (photo:

Nothing says you’re on a Disney vacation to me quite like taking a lazy ride on any of the bazillion Friendship boats. Granted we walked to Epcot when we were lucky enough to stay at The Yacht and Beach Club but never to The Studios. I remember waiting by the docks and watching the little fishies swim around hoping some slob would drop crumbs into the water. The birds, however, were another issue all together. Once you were seated it was so calming and the captains were always so spiffy looking. If you were really lucky you might get your own row and it felt like the Friendship was a private boat. It was so lovely watching the scenery go by and catching glimpses of other resorts. Taking the Friendship only built up excitement for the day to come and a way to rest your feet at the end of a successful day. It’s quite possible my life goal at some point in time was to be a Friendship IV captain.  Can you get waterway rage?

Runner Up: Peter Pan’s Flight pirate ship ride vehicles

Ready everybody? Here we goooo!!! I want to be off to Neverland!

Those were my choices this time around. Do you agree? Do you disagree? You do? GET OUT! Before you do, don’t forget to check out what everyone else picked!

Happy Hour Plot Twist: You’re Not The Boss Of Me


I am notoriously forever running late, usually by about 15 minutes. It’s all part of my charm. As I’ve said before Sarah and I always intend on making happy hour but rarely do we succeed. The last few times we’ve attempted this feat we have failed miserably.  There are a few too many costume changes, makeup/hair decisions and other adjustments that inevitably get made causing us to fall behind schedule.  We always manage to pull ourselves together and look damn cute though: sometimes to the detriment of our dating sanity.

I had a Summer Friday recently, peaced out at exactly 3 o’clock, and headed home to make some last minute improvements to my outfit. Most of my ensemble was pretty much set though I still needed to accessorize and fix my face. I had decided on a cute short-sleeved sweatshirt top. Sweatshirt you say? Well, this particular version has a black lace overlay with an exposed zipper. This makes it the perfect combination of cute but casual. Since this was only for happy hour I just needed a quick touch up, lined my eyes, and put on Clinique’s Almost Lipstick in Black Honey. It looks a lot scarier in the tube but once you put it on (depending on how many layers) it can be somewhat sheer.

Top: Showroom Sample | Jeans: Lucky Brand | Shoes: Stuart Weitzman

Top: Showroom Sample | Jeans: Lucky Brand | Shoes: Stuart Weitzman

Not being in the mood for my usual towering heels (we were staying local aka walking) I ransacked my closet for flats. This was a bit tough because I don’t really have any black flats or sandals. Then as it so often happens the light bulb in my brain went off and I knew what to wear. My silver Stuart Weitzman pointy toe flats wound up as a great compliment to the light heather grey of my sweatshirt top. A silver bracelet, necklace, a few midi rings, and a deep side part finished off my happy hour look. I helped Sarah with a quick but adorable hairstyle and we were good to go.

photo 2

Just a few minutes, a couple of bobby pins, and Charles Worthington Big Waves Beach Spray make a quick hairdo!

On this particular outing we (once again) missed happy hour but checked out a cute wine bar in the neighborhood. The lovely Katherine met us there to grab a drink and give me her keys. I check on her people-hating cat Emmylou to make sure she’s still alive and to give her someone to hiss at. She loves me in her own way. Anyway, we had some nice wine and chatted as ladies do.  Keys successfully exchanged Katherine retired for the evening and Sarah went to have a cigarette. While I held down the fort at the bar I noticed some girls attempting an “ussie”. I asked if they wanted me to take it for them and we started chatting. Hailey and her wife Jessica had just moved to NYC and had wanted to check out Crate & Barrel. Unfortunately they arrived after the store closed but decided to get a glass of wine instead and so there we all were.

We had such a nice time talking with Hailey and Jessica that eventually we headed out together for a change of scenery. Sarah had been talking to an older gentleman on her cigarette break that had told her about a place not too far from the wine bar. We figured it would be a back up plan if the drag bar Lips didn’t work out. None of us had been there and we were curious as to what the hubbub was all about. Of course on our way out we ran into Old Guy who reminded us about the aforementioned bar. Sarah let him know we would keep it mind and maybe we would see him there later.  Off we went to Lips and were promptly greeted by a fabulous hostess who took our names down. While we waited we hit the bathroom and became increasingly impatient. The wait was way too long and honestly we just wanted another drink. Back up plan in action we were able to find seats at Old Guy’s bar of choice.

The bar looked cute, the décor was nice, and the drinks started flowing. We actually couldn’t find the bar at first and some random guy gave us directions. He told us to ask for a specific bartender so we sidled right up to the bar and said hi. Shy, delicate flowers we are not. Then at some point a Short Weird Guy wanted to let me know his friend wanted to talk to me. Uh yeah, what are we in middle school? I don’t think so pal. I informed him that we are in fact adults, if his friend wanted to converse he was going to have to put on his big boy pants and do it himself. Apparently, English was not Bad Pinstripe Suit’s first (or maybe even second) language so he needed a little help. He looked like a bad Eastern European version of Good Fellas. Seriously, I can’t make this shit up if I tried. Short Weird Guy interpreted my response with what I’m assuming was way less attitude because Pinstripe walked over and awkwardly attempted conversation. Whatever he said wasn’t worth remembering even in that moment so it was a pretty quick chat.

They left me alone and I had about a minute of peace before some other Heavily Accented Guy tried his hand at wooing me. More unimportant mind numbing conversation was had and I dismissed this guy. Sarah had also been occupied talking to a few lame guys at this point so neither one of us was doing particularly splendid that evening. Then yet another lovely fellow had to tell me how cute I am, my big eyes, and blah…blah…blah. He just was overplaying his hand and would not shut up. Then as most guys are hopeful that when they tell you they’re leaving you’ll just jump into their arms and hop into their bed. Sad Puppy let me know (more then once) he was about to head out and what was I doing. I charmingly told him I was still hanging out and would be going home ALONE.

The problem with guys like this is that sometimes the only way to get rid of them is to let them have your number then block them as soon as humanly possible. I turned to Sarah as soon as he left because my eyes would not stop rolling and I had to see if she had witnessed any of this. Within those 30 seconds Sad Puppy had texted me three times to tell me (again) how cute I am and had also called me. BLOCKED. Seriously?? How desperate are you? Guys, this is not the way to a ladies heart! Sincere compliments are awesome but we can tell when they’re not. This was just; well, it was just sad.

I wish I could tell you that this was the end of the evening but it’s not. There were also some free shots from the manager and the bartender. Then obviously Short Weird Guy had to come back for act two. I’m not sure how the conversation started or even why the words “I’m the man and as the woman you should listen to me” happened but they did. If you ever want to push my buttons and see me get all feminist and hulk smash on your ass now you know how. Oh Lord help him; I was PISSED (and drunk). My hand couldn’t emphasize by banging on the bar hard enough that “NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!”   I also promptly told him “I’M AN ADULT AND I MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS!” Then he thought it would be cute to ask what would happen if I was married. Would I cook and make dinner for my husband? HULK SMASH YOUR FACE ASSHAT. My response was as such “What happens when I come home from work and I’m hungry?” “Who the hell is cooking for me?” “HUH? HUH?” Short Weird Guy started to look a little concerned but kept going anyway. I don’t even recall hearing anything else that came out of his mouth and I couldn’t have cared less. I told him he could “GO FUCK HIMSELF” and that this conversation was over. At this point I just swiveled my ass around and ignored his chauvinistic existence.

Basically this!

Basically this!

To make matters worse Sarah went back outside to have a cigarette and I might have threatened her life if she didn’t come back. I thought I had successfully evaded any further advances with my abrasive performance but no dice. FOR REALS. Heavily Accented Guy decided to try his luck again by telling me he was sorry about his friends. What in the actual fuck. You know Short Weird Guy? Get the FUCK out of my face right now-end quote. Thankfully this bonehead was able to pick up on my outward hostility and get out while he was still breathing.

Fortunately for me Sarah came back inside and had the same urgent need to get us out of there. NEVER AGAIN.

Kids, this is not the end of the story.

Epilogue: This past Friday we decided to hit up the wine bar again because why not? Guess who was there…just guess. Yep, Heavily Accented Guy. And of course, OF COURSE he recognized us. Turns out he is a moron and didn’t exactly remember much of the conversation. The icing on this very fucked up cake is that Short Weird Guy OWNS THE BAR. Moral of the story? I don’t give a shit who you are; if you piss me off I will cut you (ok, not actually cut you but you know what i mean).