Snowmageddon 2015: Free Snow Day From The Storm That Wasn’t

Snowmageddon 2015 turned out to be a bust. I’m perfectly ok with that; most of us (myself included) were lucky enough to have a snow day anyway. Last night while Sarah and I waited out the storm we kept looking outside on our patio to see how much snow had accumulated. We hung around, ate snacks, drank beer, and composed a list of serious snowstorm signs. Checking all forms of social media we realized a few common threads running through the evening. This is what we came up with:

We have beer. Ready to hunker down.

• The majority of offices, even mine, closed early. Although my office followed its usual asshole move of letting us know about 20 minutes before we closed.
• Responsible adult things actually happen such as paying bills over the phone. Business was taken care of.
• Suddenly becoming obsessive about checking Weather.com and every single weather app known to man.
• Seamless suspends service. The humanity!
• Physically going to the grocery store to get the necessities such as milk.
• Speaking of which, milk becomes as important as gold.   Even though you barely use it for things other then coffee or cereal on a regular basis.
• The 24-hour Duane Reade closed at 7pm.
• Alcohol becomes a top priority so you book it to Duane Reade before it closes and they run out of beer.
• The guy in line in front of you at said Duane Reade holds up the line because he forgot condoms. You gotta keep warm somehow.
• Citywide subway service is suspended at 11pm.
• Taking a ruler out to measure how much snow has fallen so far.
• Everything becomes all about inches and how it stacks up.
• Updating your tinder profile pictures.
• Realizing Craigslist has booty call ads specifically for snowstorm cuddles and whatnot. Both sad and hilarious.
• Casually stalking annoying friends on Facebook that you usually wouldn’t for entertainment value. Then you remember why you blocked them from your newsfeed.
• Random people wind up commenting/liking your Facebook posts and status updates because you are all stuck inside.
• Did I mention updating your Tinder profile?
  

  Our own personal snowy playground, however, someone is not impressed..

  Luckily Juno couldn’t hold on and we were spared the worst. It’s still looking gray and dismal outside but I’m happy to be inside. I’m going to make some more coffee and enjoy my day off. Stay warm people and remember you can always count on Craigslist for some body heat.

  

  Bundle up, it’s cold outside! Hat: custom creation by Mom

  Did I miss any of your cabin fever behaviors? What do you usually do when waiting out a snowpocalypse?

PSA: Don’t Pick Me Up Before You Go-Go

Apologies for the radio silence around here lately. I wish I could say I’ve been super busy for the past few months but that’s only partly true. Work (end of year panic times) and the holidays have kept me somewhat occupied. It’s also my laziness that has gotten the best of me. I swear I will fill you guys in on some of the things going on in Erica with a C Land like Halloween (long overdue) and also my DISNEY TRIP (spoiler: it was effing awesome)!!

Top: Snow in Bryant Park| Bottom Left: The Rockefeller Center Tree| Bottom Middle: Celebrating Hanukkah with my Menorah| Bottom Right: Holiday Market at Bryant Park

There is something I would like to bitch about ASAP though. It’s a topic I’ve mentioned in the past.  It’s near and dear to my wicked little heart.

Last Friday I went out with Sarah, Karen, and Karen’s BF. We went to a bar way uptown, which was playing some pretty awesome music and talked to some boys. Karen’s BF happened to meet up with some friends and we all socialized. Drinks were bought, dancing ensued, and fun times were had. I was also chatting up some guy from New Orleans who was visiting a friend of his for the holidays. That’s cool; NYC is awesome any time of year and the holiday season is a great time to be here. He kept complimenting me on my overalls (I will have to repeat this outfit, I meant to take a pic except whoopsies) but didn’t make enough of an impression to get a nickname.

Sometime later in the evening we decided to switch bars and the guy from New Orleans didn’t think that was a great plan. Him and his friend called it a night and that was that. Turns out the bar was closing anyway so the crew decided to head back to someone’s apt for a night cap. We all piled into taxis and made our way over to hang out. There were some crazy discussions and I was my usual sarcastic self. Apparently one of the friends thought this meant he should ask for my number.

Listen, we said about five words directly to each other and participated in a group chat. I declined respectfully, I wasn’t going to go through the whole ignore you when you text me business. You’re a friend of a friend I’m going to be straight with you, deal with it. He took the rejection fairly well at the time or at least I thought. At that point it was getting late so we figured we’d all head home and call it a night. The guys walked us out and as we said good bye the very topic I’ve talked about before presented itself again.

Hello Sunrise, what are you doing up so late?

This fool who was leaving without my number decided it was totally cool to not only give me a big hug good bye but to physically pick me up off the ground as well. WHY IS THIS A THING?? Seriously, when was this determined to be okay? Did some stupid girl spread rumors that it’s completely acceptable to pick us up?  Nice Erica left the building and Violent Bitchy Erica took her place. I told this moron to “PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN” with a few punches to emphasize my point. I kept yelling at him “THIS IS NOT OK” and “WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE”! His brilliant defense was just this “Oh, well you’re so petite.” Um no. This may be true, I’m only 5’2 and a ½” but the ½” counts!! Squirrels are small and cute but you’re not going to go around picking them up. You might get rabies and I will punch you.

Clearly this jackass doesn’t read my blog. Not only did I deny you my digits but there was no hinting that I wanted to be picked up like a child. Ughhh, THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY!! Unless I specify that this is something I want, don’t you dare pick me up.   I will yell at you and as I’ve demonstrated will also try to beat you up. Not the most mature way to handle the situation but you leave me no choice. My feet are not on the ground so I can’t push you away, punching it is. It’s been pretty effective in the put-me-down-now department. I’ve said it before but despite appearances (or sometimes actions) I am an adult woman.   There is no reason on Earth to assume lifting me off the ground is a thing I’m going to enjoy or think is fun. DON’T FUCK WITH ME ASSHAT.

Lesson to be learned: I may be adorable and petite but I will go full rabies squirrel on your ass. PUT ME DOWN.

Polar Vortex: I Loathe You Jack Frost

Could it BE any colder? Yeah, you know you just read that in Chandler Bing’s voice.  This morning as I was contemplating what to wear, I realized I needed to see just how arctic it was outside.  Looking at the temperature dipping below 10 degrees instantly made my insides freeze up.  This lead up to figuring out just how many layers (not including outerwear) I could get away with and still have mobility.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. Thick tights

2. Knee high socks

3. Pixie pants from J.Crew

4. Leg Warmers hiked all the way up to just past my knees

5. Extra long tank top

6. Long sleeve shirt

7. Oversized heavy gauge shawl collar sweater

Holy Mother of Polar Vortex! I was super cozy and on top of all this I had my winter coat and cashmere hat.  Let’s not forget my gloves and scarf that my Mom knit for me! So, ladies and gentlemen please stay warm out there! I’m going to have some scalding hot green tea to warm my insides.

Brrr..who pissed of Elsa?