Writing my last post got me thinking about all the cheese-tastic things guys have said to me at bars. Spurring these thoughts are the recent onslaught of articles about online dating like this one and this one. Ladies, you feel me on this right? It doesn’t matter where you’re at the lines just keep coming. (Seriously, I’ve been hit on in a Target while shopping with my mom.) Guys, you’re not fooling us. Seriously. THE JIG IS UP. Stop. Desist. Cease. Please just talk to me like a normal human being. Maybe something original that isn’t totally skeevy? You do know that the more you drink the worse you sound. Sometimes it’s not even what you’re saying but how you say it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked, “Are those your real eyes”? It is amusing though. Here are some highlights (or lowlights if you will):
- That’s not your real eye color; let me see. How about no and back away from my face.
- You’re wearing contacts? Prove your eyes are really that blue. Should I take an eyeball out?
- How are you making all the other girls in the bar disappear? Abra-effing-cadabra asshole.
- I thought you said you were cold because your body feels hot right now. I must have hot and cold running chills, I think I’m going to vomit.
- I’ve been waiting 45 minutes to try and talk to you. You have very intimidating eyelashes. It’s called mascara. Thanks for letting me know you’ve been watching me for an extended period of time, go away creeper.
- Oh shit, dayyumm White Girl. I was confused, thanks for clarifying I’m white.
- I just want to buy a pretty girl a drink; can I buy yours? Are you sure? Ok, thanks…Bye.
- We have really great chemistry. I can tell because standing this close to you makes me nervous and I never get nervous. I’ve heard I have that effect on people, maybe don’t stand so close.
- You have a really great presence/aura. It’s called confidence.
- You have so many interesting angles. I really want to take your picture and coming from a photographer that’s the greatest compliment. So you can hang it on your wall and stare at it? I’ll pass.
- You know I do lingerie photo shoots. Yeahhh and I’m a Victoria’s Secret model.
- Don’t you want to dance with me; I’m a great guy (as I’m awkwardly trying to dance up on you)? I’d rather let a dog hump my leg.
- I like you; you’re a fun time. WTF does that even mean?
- Spank me. There are no words for that one…
- I would totally let you shave my head. I hope you’re looking for some new scars.
- Oh, you work in fashion? How do I look and be honest. You look like you got dressed in the dark, blind.
- My friend and I were debating which is better, a pick up line or a straight approach? (I told him to just approach.) So, how are you? What’s your sign? Did you really just ask me that? We’re done here.
I am sure there are more that I’ve mentally blocked to preserve my sanity. Bars are a hotbed for horrible pick up lines and online is no better. Not to say all guys throw these lame sentiment at all women all the time. I’ve had some fairly nice things said to me too. Guys, maybe think about how awkward you’re about to make things before opening your pie holes. We’re more likely to be responsive if you’re just being sociable. Consider this a PSA, you are so very welcome.
What’s the lamest/weirdest/just plain saddest line you’ve been subjected to?
Erica with a C 