Awesomely Single: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club

Even though Valentine’s Day is just about over (or maybe it is, depending on when you’re reading this) something tells me the World of Dating is still out there causing problems.  I’m thinking this is the time of year (aside from the whole winter holiday season) where dating websites are picking up a lot of memberships.  As someone who’s on a dating website and various apps, I thought I would share some words of wisdom, things to look out for, and a few tips.  I’ve learned some things and hopefully my sarcasm in the form of advice will be helpful.  If you haven’t figured it out by now I’m a big fan of lists so we’ll just get right down to it…

• If he’s wearing a hat in his initial profile picture there’s a very high chance he’s bald/has a majorly receding hairline/has a five-head.
• If you can barely see his face or it’s a long distance shot he most likely has some type of genetic mutation/butter face/missing teeth.
• If he’s not even in the pic, i.e. it’s his dog/cat/sports logo: RUN, GIRL, RUN
• When it’s a group shot with no obvious main character, he’s the ugly one and his friends are definitely cuter.  He’s trying to lure you in with promises of attractiveness-just not his…
• He’s checked off looking for new friends/activity partners, well, I think we all know what he’s really looking for.  SEX!  Seriously, who is looking for friends on a DATING website. No new friends!
• He doesn’t list his height; he probably doesn’t meet most rollercoaster height requirements.
• When he’s holding an alcoholic beverage or drinking an alcoholic beverage in all of his photos, he might as well have an IV drip of vodka (which doesn’t sound like a bad idea).
• He continues to put off meeting you in person, he’s obviously not who he says he is.
• Google/Facebook stalking (to a degree) is your friend.  I’m not necessarily one for this behavior but a certain someone convinced me I should.  We found out a guy I had gone on a few dates with turned out to be MARRIED.  Yeah, you should check your privacy settings.  Which leads to the next bullet point:
• Just because they say they’re single it’s not always true (mostly it is but you can never be too sure).
• Your wifed up friends will tell you you’re being “too picky.”  I think this list is proof that is a lie.
• When friends say “but he’s sooo nice.”  He’s mildly attractive and possibly a push over.   If you are not initially attracted to him or can’t at least see the potential, it ain’t gonna change lady.
• If his mom is his best friend then there’s nothing more I need to say.
• Personally, I don’t think there is such a thing as being too picky.  I know what I want and what I’m attracted to.  If that’s not you then why waste our time?
• When your friends ask you: “What are you doing with your life?” (Aka, why are you not attached) It’s perfectly ok to tell them: “Shut the fuck up, with love, of course.”
• Lastly and most importantly know this.  You are fabulous and you deserve to be happy with someone you deem worthy.  Zero fucks given.

 Take this list with a grain of salt; however, there are some truths in this.   Everyone wants to be happy, whatever road that takes you down.  If you find THE ONE that is fantastic, if you are your own THE ONE, then that’s fantastic too.

Halloween Part 1: Olmec is my Homeboy

While I am well aware that Halloween has come and gone, I am just getting started here so deal with it.  Besides, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays…

I try to do something different costume wise every year.  I like to piece the looks together myself which really appeals to my Visuals/Styling background.  My more recent list includes a historically accurate Flapper (I even went so far as to research the makeup), a Yankee, and Ke$ha (complete with crazy eye makeup and drunkenness).  My friend Sarah was Jerrica and I was her rock star alter ego Jem from the truly outrageous Jem and the Holograms (also with eye makeup and wig), and a Circus Ringmaster. 

Sarah has long been my partner in crime especially when it comes to Halloween tomfoolery.  This year we had 2 other friends join us for the festivities, which led to my latest costume idea: competitors in Legends of the Hidden Temple!  We divided ourselves into teams while figuring out which colors would look the best on each individual girl and which teams would be most recognizable.  Sarah and I were the Green Monkeys and DeJanea and friend were the Blue Barracudas.  We were able to order our shirts off of www.mypartyshirt.com (we were also able to snag a discount by liking them on Facebook).  The rest of the costume was decided by one brainstorming session.  We went with black short-shorts from the Capezio store, as they were much more wallet friendly then other comparable styles.  Originally the thought was yellow shorts to go with each team’s animal graphic but alas yellow is a seasonal color (not to mention a little on the sheer side).  So black short-shorts it was.  This actually worked out for the best since I had the genius idea to use black socks as kneepads and elbow pads.  All we had to do was cut off the foot part and use the elastic to keep them in place or from slipping down on both elbows and knees.  Shoes were kept simple, conceptually appropriate for storming the Temple, and comfortable by going with lace up boots.  We decided to forgo the giant gold/yellow helmets because I think we can all agree that’s not sexy.  Hair and makeup was more of a personal decision.  For eyes, I went with smoked out browns to stay sort of neutral but still play up my favorite feature.  As for hair I tried some front pieces pinned back for our test drive and just kept it straight the second time around.  I have to say, I was really pleased with the outcome.  We looked pretty damn cute!

I’d say most of the guys that hit on us knew what we were dressed up as.  That ranks as a successful costume in my book.  We were also the only Legends of the Hidden Temple contestants out there.  I think Olmec would be proud and spare us the evil wrath of the Temple Guardians.

Now that you’ve read about how the ladies and I put together our fabulous costumes you’ll have to check back for part 2.  I’ll tell you how I ended the night being unimpressed by a recording studio and an electric guitar.